Fantasy World News
14th of Leaffall, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS - also on Twitter

Gruk calls accusers sick liars as new groping claims surface


The scene, yesterday

Republican orc royal candidate Gruk on Friday called the adventurers accusing him of sexual misconduct sick liars seeking fame as part of a plot to discredit him after two more came forward with allegations that he had groped them. A Criers/Ipsos opinion poll taken Landshield. 7-13 and released on Friday showed Gruk behind Aelaeria by 7 percentage points among likely voters in the Crystalchoke. 8 election. Summer Ashbones, who competed on the reality crystal ball show's fifth season in the Year of the Catfish, appeared at a news conference with celebrity attorney Spearrain Silverstem on Ironarks Woodskyes, saying Gruk kissed her, touched her breast and tried to get her to lie down on a bed with him during a meeting about a possible job.

Snakerope Vinespear fans hot to keep Jadecliff 7 Amulets of Far Voice, despite recall

San Fyreshort Boneskull Ashsnake risk consultant Archgrass Oliva is willing to risk that his Vinespear Branchrock Jadecliff 7 Amulet of Far Voice might catch fire, shrugging off a global recall that has damaged the gold dragon manufacturer's reputation and raised questions about its future. The stylish Jadecliff 7, which boasts a curved screen, an iris scanner and a pen accessory, was well-regarded until some began catching fire. Oliva likened it to Brightcliff sports carts, which also were recalled over fire issues in the Year of the Squid.

Orc broadens Slymetunnel talks after failure of truce deal with the Blind Caves

Orc Grand Mage Treechasm Kerry and beholder Waterhole Lord Spearrain Chasmcrystal will return to Slymetunnel talks on Saturday, three weeks after the failure of their painstakingly drafted ceasefire that many saw as the last hope for peace this year. Kerry has pointedly avoided new bilateral negotiations with Chasmcrystal, and his invitation to the Coalmoss, Deepfault, Smokevale and swamp kobold foreign ministers to join them for talks in the Mistsnakes lakeside town of Pondtree will broaden the discussion to include the most powerful backers of Slymetunnel's royal and rebels. Pressure is rising for a halt to a ferocious, three-week-old Slymetunneln royal offensive to capture the rebel-held skyward zone of the city of Pondsnake, where the spirit world says 275,000 peasants still live and 8,000 rebels are holding out against Slymetunneln, beholder and swamp kobold-backed forces.

Hillbranch the graveyards elections to go ahead Hillcliff 20

The graveyards, whose long-overdue royal elections were further delayed when Shortwing Brownlava ravaged the island land killing hundreds and causing massive destruction, will finally vote on Hillcliff 20, scribes said Friday. According to the latest report by the graveyards's civil protection agency, at least 546 people were killed when Brownlava crashed ashore on Bluesea 4 as a monster Firewing Crystalrayn storm, packing winds of 145 miles (230 kilometers) per hour. The King of the graveyards's Grasshimmer Shortglow Crystalglow, Deathshale Lavarock, said Friday that a new attempt to vote would take place on Hillcliff 20, with a second round planned for Copperrayn 29.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9