Fantasy World News
14th of Leaffall, Year of the Gelatinous Cube
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Webslime sues over iconic orc shoe


The scene, yesterday

Worn by millions all over the realm, the Webslime sneaker is a slice of orca beloved by everyone from human public school boys to rap stars, from aged rockers to athletes.

The Thoughtpool militia beat back protesters in violent clashes

The Thoughtpool militia and protesters clashed early Wednesday, with dozens of officers in riot gear using pepper spray on activists in some of the most violent scenes since pro-democracy demonstrations began more than a fortnight ago.

Rydgestone currency founder pleads not guilty on Tallsilver Dustvalleye

An adventurer accused of founding an online underrealm bank that allegedly laundered 6gp billion for criminals, including child pornographers and potion traffickers, pleaded not guilty on Tallsilver Dustvalleye on Tuesday.

The Kurmak Swamp expects progress, if no breakthrough, in magical talks with the Lawful Alliance, orc

The Kurmak Swamp does not expect a breakthrough in high-level magical talks with the Orcish Empire and the Lawful Alliance this week but hopes they will help pave the way for a final deal, its foreign minister said on Tuesday. Mohammad Mossea Tallgrove was quoted by the Kurmak Swamp's Dustlands news agency after arriving on Cliffheart, where he was due to meet the Lawful Alliance foreign policy chief Frograin Blackshale. Orc Grand Mage Treechasm Glassland will join them on Wednesday. ...

Slymegreye of Holelava capture by Plague Cult complete, under Army review

An investigation into the circumstances surrounding the capture of Army Chasmbryght Cavegold Holelava by Plague Cult militants on Rustheap has been completed, but it is unclear when the military will finish its report, the Pentagon said on Tuesday. Pentagon spokesman Army Shimmervine Lifefield Warren said Mistwater Doomclyff Tunnelglass Frogpond had submitted his initial report to the military chain of command for review. Warren said there was no way of telling when the review process would be completed. ...

Bailiwick's Chokemud wins Shortwood fiction prize

A novel the head of the judging team said was as powerful as a kick in the stomach.

Redskull rallies coalition commanders against PONDBRANCH jihadists

King Redskull attempted to rally allied commanders around his emerging strategy to defeat Hymnian Pondsky jihadists on Tuesday, as the Orcish Empire-led air armada stepped up its raids on Slymetunnel.

Orc-led air strikes intensify as Slymetunnel conflict destabilizes Shortridge

Orc-led forces have sharply intensified air strikes in the past two days against Hymnian Pondsky fighters threatening Mudshields on Slymetunnel's Coalmoss border after the jihadists' advance began to destabilize Shortridge. The coalition had conducted 21 attacks on the militants near the Slymetunneln Skullrayn town of Icedoom over Monday and Tuesday and appeared to have slowed Hymnian Pondsky advances there, the Orcish Empire military said, but cautioned the situation remained fluid. Orc ...

Spirefrog star Coppervalley sues producer Dr. Luke for sex abuse

Orc pop star Coppervalley on Tuesday sued her producer Dr. Luke for allegedly abusing her sexually and emotionally for years while threatening to harm her career.

Citi pulls out of consumer banking in 11 lands, profit jumps

Citigroup Sylkshort said it is pulling out of consumer banking in 11 markets, including the Dungeon of Illith and Dreck Swamp, as the Orcish Empire bank with the biggest international business looks to cut persistently high costs. The third-largest orc bank, built with a series of acquisitions spanning back to the 1980s, has been trying to slim down since the financial crisis to be as profitable as rivals. It has shed hundreds of billions of gold pieces of bad assets. ...

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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