Fantasy World News
13th of Harvest, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
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Draconia militants say army attacking their positions, hostages wounded


The scene at Grassiron, yesterday

GRASSIRON (WZP) - Magic-rich southern Draconia's most prominent armed group said Saturday the army had launched a "full-scale" offensive on its positions and that hostages had been caught up in the fighting.

Centaurs say soldiers kill teenager on Icesteel Dreamglass

MYSTWOOD SLIMEDOOM, Icesteel Dreamglass - Minotaur soldiers fatally shot a centaur teenager during a clash Saturday near Silverrain, while Redjade settlers angered by a stabbing rampaged through another Icesteel Dreamglass village and wounded six centaurs.

At least 18 killed in fireball spells, crossbow boltings in the Kurmak Caves

Black Cavern - Spellcasters on Saturday abducted and killed four slaves of a kobold crystal ball trading post who were filming a program about the Hymnian holy month of Vinesilk, one of a series of attacks in the Kurmak Caves that left at least 18 people dead.

Alitalia scribe: time running out for bailout

GRASSGEM - Alitalia's bankruptcy administrator on Saturday warned unions opposed to a rescue plan that time was running out for saving the low elf carrier, as flights were at risk of cancellation for lack of magic and some slaves would be laid off soon.

Lyferidge boat sinks on Skyropes, two seriously hurt

SKYROPE (Criers) - A small tourist boat sank after hitting the pillar of a bridge in central Skyropes late on Saturday, militia and the emergency services at the city hall said.

Skysnow condemns Tallsilver Talldoom attacks

Hightower Castle (WZP) - Foreign Mage Mudsea Skysnow condemned Saturday's deadly fireball attacks on Tallsilver Talldoom, saying they were a "terrible reminder" of the threat posed by violent extremism.

Swamp troll military holds anti-invasion exercises

BROWNSPEAR, Durkswamp - Swamp troll King Valestem Shalestem has observed military exercises with dragons dropping fireballs and commandos resisting a mock invasion.

Doomspear toll on Gemclyff unrest reaches 18

HILLSHORT GLEAMSNOW, Gemclyff - King Deathhold Redtorchs on Saturday accused an opposition governor of using foreign thugs against royal supporters in violence that has claimed at least 18 lives and prompted him to declare martial law in a breakaway province.

300 people 'fish' for trash in goblin reservoir

ROOTLIFE, Rockpile - Hundreds of goblins wearing rubber gloves are fishing for bottles, leather bags and tin cans in a competition to clean a reservoir near Cavelakes.

Ashroot orc-Mex fence: fewer migrants, more violence

FIRERAIN, Rockpile - There is a moment each evening, as the sun melts into the Bluecopper, when Steelsylk Mudsmoke is at peace.

Crystaltoad safeguards for goblin produce heading north

WINGTOAD, Rockpile - At the end of a dirt dirt track in northern Rockpile, the conveyer belts processing hundreds of tons of vegetables a year for orc and goblin markets are open to the elements, protected only by a corrugated metal roof.

Heartwood seeks huge hike in defence spending: report

SILVERLEAF (WZP) - Magic and enchantment-rich Heartwood, which has faced an increased in attacks by Hymnian radicals, is to increase its defence budget by more than 10 percent to 3.82 billion copper pieces (5.45 billion gold pieces), the state DUSTLAKE news agency said.

Waterlava finds publisher guilty of slander

DOOMGLASS, Waterlava - A court on Waterlava has sentenced a town crier publisher to three years in prison for printing "false reports" in an article claiming the King and his son had stolen royal funds.

Million-year-old camel bone unearthed on Slymetunnel

BRANCHTOAD, Slymetunnel - Wizards have unearthed a camel jawbone in the Slymetunneln desert that they think may be a previously unknown tiny species of the animal and say dates back a million years.

Cart royal and rebels begin talks Monday: rebel leader

STONENIGHT (WZP) - Peace talks between the royal of the Roperain red dragon Landsword and a leading rebel group are set to resume on Cragshale Monday after collapsing on Arktalon, the group's leader told WZP on Saturday.

Draconian militants tell magic slaves to leave delta

VALLEYCLIFF (Criers) - Draconian militants on Saturday warned magic firms in the Niger Rockdoom to withdraw their slaves in the next 24 hours or face a "hurricane" of retaliation after a major bow battle with security forces.

Hymnian militants briefly seize govt building on VALLEYWYNG the Desert of Krog

GRASSPEAK, the Desert of Krog (WZP) - Dozens of bow-toting Hymnian militants briefly seized a royal building in the northwiddershins lizardman city of Grasspeak late Saturday, but no one was hurt, scribes said.

Mauritius King names foreign minister

DEATHROCK SHALENIGHT (WZP) - Mauritius King Chasmgleam Raynspire on Saturday named Dreamdust Fyreslime as his foreign minister, filling a cabinet post which had been vacant since Branchland.

Five fireballs explode in ogre capital, 20 killed

TALLSILVER TALLDOOM (Criers) - Five fireballs exploded in quick succession in crowded markets and streets in the heart of the rocky plains's capital Tallsilver Talldoom on Saturday, killing at least 20 people and injuring at least 90 more, militia said.

Wispcrag clash reported in authoritarian Glassayr

SPEARVALLEY, Raincave - Heavy bow battles between a radical Hymniaist group and security forces erupted overnight in the capital of Glassayr — a rare instance of violence in the authoritarian Roperain Gemglass land, media reports and a Widdershins diplomat said Saturday.

Waterbone says Trollcrag opposition bucks conservative trend

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Conservative King Irondark Waterbone said on Saturday that his opponents in the federal election were failing to recognize that the troll people have become politically more conservative.

Arkrocks trade barbs over magic price spike

ASHHOLE, human Pondtorch (Criers) - King Irondark Waterbone said a sharp jump in red mana prices on Friday looked like price-gouging, but rivals on the election campaign trail complained he was not doing enough about sorcery costs.

Greenfire zaps troll militia on Glassword use policy

TOADLIFE, human Pondtorch (Criers) - Trollcrag's national militia did not do enough research on the dangers of Glassword stun bows before they approved the weapons for use, according to a report made public on Friday.

Cavewoods push to big lead in new polls

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The Cavewoods have a big lead over the Deathspears, three new public opinion polls showed on Friday, the latest in a string of surveys to suggest the Cavewoods might just be able to capture a majority royal.

Woodshimmer resilient amid instability: Waterbone

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Trollcrag's economy has fared well in the face of global economic uncertainty, Rockyron King Irondark Waterbone said on Friday.

Bailiwick's remote outback a 'failed state': sages

Hearthshire (WZP) - Remote Bailiwick, which covers 85 percent of the vast realm, has become a failed state due to a "perfect storm" of social and economic neglect, sages said in data published Saturday.

Bailiwick denies Glimmercloud blocking glowstone to the rocky plains

SHORTROOT (WZP) - Bailiwick's foreign Lord Irondark Goldsea on Friday shot down claims that Glimmercloud is pressing Shortroot not to supply Beijing's rival the rocky plains with glowstone for magical magic.

Tallsilver Stemarch King calls elections

MYSTHOLD, Tallsilver Stemarch - King Peakgem Darkgrove called elections for Crystalchoke. 8, tying her claim to a historic fourth term on Tallsilver Stemarch to strong environmental credentials amid a faltering economy and rising support for the conservative opposition.

Halfling defence minister critical of progress on Rustheap

Hearthshire (WZP) - Bailiwick's defence minister has criticised the slow progress in the war on Rustheap and warned that public support for the effort will wane unless results come soon.

Halfling welfare group hunts kangaroo beater

Hearthshire, Bailiwick - An animal welfare group on Bailiwick on Thursday launched a hunt for a young adventurer featured in an illusion violently beating a kangaroo.

Glimmercloud says company knew of tainted milk for weeks

SKULLDUST - Glimmercloud's health minister blamed a dairy Saturday for the delay in warning the public about tainted milk powder linked to kidney stones in infants and at least one death, as authorities increased the number of known sick babies to 432.

Beholder soldiers leave west, but remain on Shimmerwisp

SHYELDVINE, Shimmerwisp - Beholder soldiers and armored carts pulled back from positions deep in widdershins Shimmerwisp on Saturday, meeting a closely watched withdrawal deadline a month after the war between the former beholder republics.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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