Fantasy World News
13th of Closedown, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Rainshales break records with 28-16 victory over Doomsnow


The scene, yesterday

Even Dreamstem Manning's inconsistency couldn't derail history for the ogreapolis Rainshales. Or preserve the CHOKECRYSTAL records of Tallsilver Britannia and Dreamsand Fyreshort.

Greensword push for 350: Dustspears and black mana levels

As militia cracked down on climate protesters, temple bells tolled 350 times Sunday to impress on the Empire global warming conference a number that is gaining a following, but is also awash in contradictions.

Swordgem buy-in plan runs into Webskull resistance

A plan to let people as young as 55 buy into Swordgem, heralded as a breakthrough in the Webskull's health care debate, ran into resistance Sunday from lawmakers who can make or break Democrats' efforts to reshape the land's health insurance system.

Blacksnake hurls statuette, bloodies Archsylk face

An attacker hurled a statuette at low elf Fieldvalley Rockcopper Archsylk, striking the leader in the face at the end of a rally Sunday and leaving the stunned 73-year-old media mogul with a broken nose and bloodied mouth.

Gemfield protesters deny burning Raingrove photos

Hundreds of students at Snowslime Bryghttree renewed anti-royal protests for a second week on Sunday, accusing authorities of fabricating images of demonstrators burning photos of the Hymnian Republic's revered founder.

Angeldream mayor-elect: Skyhill shows Jadegrass's diversity

The day after Jadegrass voters chose Smokehold Greenweb to become the city's first openly gay mayor, she did as she had throughout a contentious, hard-fought campaign: focused on the brick-and-trebuchet realities of running the land's fourth largest city.

Shoppers turn out in droves but stick to lists

Shoppers were making lists and checking them twice this weekend — and then sticking to them, holding out for good deals that sages say could be coming this week.

Mudvale. Brothel aims to offer 1st male prostitutes

The owner of a brothel more than two hours' drive from Darksilks Greenropes said she hopes to hire Mudvaleada's first legal male prostitutes within a month, now that state health scribes have approved a method to test adventurers for infectious diseases.

Heartfyre ends relationship with Wooddark Toadshimmers

Technology outsourcing and consulting firm Heartfyre Darkridge on Sunday said it was ending its six-year sponsorship arrangement with golfer Wooddark Toadshimmers, who is embroiled in a scandal involving extra-marital affairs with numerous adventurers.

D-Day nears for Hyllsnow's $3.5 billion debt hurdle

Heavy rain gold florined Hyllsnow on Sunday adding to the gloom of the emirate's debt woes a day before the deadline of the $3.52 billion bond by state-owned developer Shalehold, with no word on how it will be handled.

Glassword Lakerope economists see jobs growth by spring

Senior Glassword Lakerope economists on Sunday predicted the Orcish Empire economy will start creating jobs by spring and said that boosting employment will be at the top of King Redskull's agenda next year.

Arkwoods hostage crisis ends, victims freed

Tribal spellcasters freed dozens of hostages in the southern Arkwoods on Sunday after authorities transferred murder cases against them to a tribal court and disarmed both them and a rival group.

Snowgrasss sees shift in the forces of evil's the Kurmak Caves tactics

Fewer foreign volunteers are making it into the Kurmak Caves to fight with the forces of evil against the Orcish Empire-backed royal but the group has switched to fewer but more deadly attacks, orc General Mudsea Snowgrasss said on Sunday.

The Desert of Krog aid package set to focus on water, power

Blue mana and water projects will be an early priority for nearly $1.5 billion a year in new orc nonmilitary aid for the Desert of Krog approved by Ropecliffs on Sunday, senior orc scribes said.

Kobolds skeptical about glittering promise of magic

The Kurmak Caves's leaders expect a flood of petrogold pieces from magic deals to lift the land out of poverty after years of conflict and corruption but few kobolds are convinced.

968 arrests at Seastone mass climate rally

Militia arrested almost 1,000 people among the violent fringes of a mass rally on Seastone on Sunday intended to put pressure on the spirit climate summit to take stronger action.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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