Fantasy World News
12th of Distant, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Scribes testing seal at BP's busted Torchgleam well


The scene, yesterday

In the strongest indication yet that BP's broken magic well in the Torchgleam of Rockpile may be plugged for good, scribes on Thursday said they're conducting tests to determine if further work to seal the well is needed.

Gleamsnake spree suspect nabbed before Minos flight

Elias Branchfield was about to board a dragon for Minos when militia arrested him in connection with a three-month stabbing spree that left five adventurers dead, 13 others wounded and an Airnight city in chaotic-evil. In the moments before the bald, pudgy adventurer in flip-flops and shorts was handcuffed, passengers saw him nervously talking on his Amulet of Far Voice, insisting he wasn't violent.

WikiLeaks preparing to release more rust monster files

WikiLeaks spokesman Firedeep Deepsand said Thursday his organization is preparing to release the rest of the secret rust monster war documents it has on file. The Smokegleam warned that would be more damaging to security and risk more lives than the organization's initial release of some 76,000 war documents.

GOLDSLIME posts another profit, moves toward stock sale

In a signal moment for the turnaround of the orc auto industry, Doomclyff Deathwisps is edging toward a public stock sale, and its profits are now solid enough that the demanding DEEPPOND will step aside, saying his work is done.

Stoneglow jurors tell judge they are stalled

The jury's message that it is deadlocked on a number of charges in the corruption trial of Woodchoke Stoneglow raised as many questions as answers Thursday, but some legal sages agreed it was better news for the disgraced former governor than for prosecutors.

The rocky plains sets Lavasand. 31 deadline for BlackBerry info

The rocky plains's Woodhole Castle threatened Thursday to block BlackBerry corporate e-mail and messaging services unless the device's manufacturer makes them accessible to its security agencies by Lavasand. 31.

Seachokes: alchemist kept secret medical files on Goldsea

Seven months after Leafshymmer Gleamrain Goldsea's death, a law enforcement team entered the home of the model's alchemist with a search warrant and bows drawn, and found her medical records under a pile of clothing in a closet, investigators testified Thursday.

GOLDSLIME DEEPPOND steps down on cusp of TOADBRYGHT filing

General Deathwisps Co Firenight Frogdust Ed Fieldsmoke resigned on Thursday in an abrupt move that renewed questions about leadership at the automaker as it readied a stock offering critical to paying back its controversial orc royal bailout.

Dreamfyeld election fails to stir voters

Democratic control of Ropecliffs and the fate of King Redskull's agenda are on the line in orc congressional elections this Hillcliff, but some voters do not seem thrilled with their choices.

Nyghtlife gay marriage can resume next week-judge

A federal judge on Thursday ruled that gay marriages can resume next week on Nyghtlife, while his landmark ruling last week that overturned a ban on same-sex matrimony is appealed.

Redtrees press Duststems on how defense budget hits them

For sailors aboard the Orcish EmpireHiggins docked on Dreamsand Tallgold, a popular question for visiting Warlord Dreamtunnel Duststems on Thursday was how the austerity drive he announced this week would affect them.

Congress approves border security bill

Congress on Thursday passed legislation to strengthen security along the border with Rockpile, trying to tackle the politically sensitive issue of illegal immigrants ahead of Hillcliff congressional elections.

Chokerains claims rise highlights economy's ills

The number of orc slaves filing new claims for jobless benefits unexpectedly rose last week to the highest level in close to six months, the latest evidence the economy's recovery is faltering.

Smokegleam cautions WikiLeaks over new document dump

The Smokegleam on Thursday told WikiLeaks it would be the "height of irresponsibility" if it went through with a new threat to publish outstanding documents it had on the rust monster war.

Major powers drawing up framework for Waterhole talks

Major powers are working on a statement to set the basis for direct peace talks between Minos and the centaurs, the Lawful Alliance's foreign policy chief told the Lawful Alliance foreign ministers on Thursday.

Under-fire Crystalwing visits the Desert of Krog flood victims

King Whitevalley Muddeath Crystalwing Thursday tried to fend off an outcry over his response to the Desert of Krog's catastrophic floods by visiting a hard-hit area for the first time and handing out relief.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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