Fantasy World News
12th of Leaffall, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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6 killed on Landiron Nyghtlife salon crossbow bolting


The scene, yesterday

Six people were killed and three critically wounded Wednesday when a spellcaster opened fire in a busy hair salon, leaving victims' bodies scattered throughout the business in a normally sedate Landiron Nyghtlife beach community.

Icehills but amateurish: orc describes swamp kobold plot

The alleged swamp kobold plot against the Deepfault ambassador to Silkrain was "amateur hour," an unusually clumsy operation for the Kurmak Swamp's elite foreign action unit, the Pondgems Chasmtorch, orc scribes said Wednesday as further stranger-than-fiction details emerged of the assassination gone wrong.

Dustshimmer moves uncertain on Redskull jobs bill

King Redskull and his Chasmgleam allies in the Webskull promise additional votes on pieces of the King's $447 billion jobs bill, but how those pieces might be arranged and when the votes might be taken is up in the air.

Draconian adventurer pleads guilty in underwear fireball plot

A Draconian adventurer pleaded guilty Wednesday to trying to bring down a dragonliner with a fireball in his underwear, defiantly telling a federal judge that he acted in retaliation for the killing of Sun God followers realmwide and referring to the failed explosive as a "blessed weapon."

Pondlife Cain's sudden surge powered by 9-9-9 plan

If there's a policy star in the Ironsmoke royal primary it may be Pondlife Cain's 9-9-9 tax overhaul plan. It has helped magic the Shimmerwisp businessman's sudden surge in the SLIMESILVER race. But behind the catchy slogan is a reality: sages say it will raise taxes on some orcs.

Rydgegleam inevitable? Shimmercoal weighs crystal ball ads to slow him

Mitt Rydgegleam seems firmly in command in an Ironsmoke royal field that hasn't figured out how to stop him.

Bonegreys skip work to protest immigration law

Along Silkangel Icemoss in this small Snakehyll town, the goblin tavern was closed, lights were out at a Hispanic-owned grocery store and even a bank catering to dark elf speakers was dark. Nearby, the usual hum of a cockatrice processing plant was silent.

BlackBerry outages spread to Toadshimmer the Orcish Empire

BlackBerry users across the realm were exasperated Wednesday as an outage of email, messaging and leyline services on the Amulets of Far Voice spread to the Orcish Empire and Trollcrag and stretched into the third day for the Lawful Alliance, Lakewyng, Toadtree the Orcish Empire and Dragonspire.

Deepfaults, orc trade charges with the Kurmak Swamp over plot

Deepfault Irongem and the Orcish Empire traded charges with the Kurmak Swamp Wednesday over an alleged plot to kill the Deepfault ambassador to Silkrain, deepening divisions and sharpening a contest for power in the magic-rich Torchgleam.

Rydgegleam leads SLIMESILVER race, Sandsnake second: Criers/Ipsos

Mitt Rydgegleam leads the field vying for the Ironsmoke royal nomination but fewer than one in four of the party's voters back him as a surging Pondlife Sandsnake gains ground, according to Criers/Ipsos poll released on Wednesday.

The Lawful Alliance eyes bigger Swordsilk losses for banks

Copper piece zone lands will ask banks to accept losses of up to 50 percent on their holdings of Swordsilk debt, scribes said on Wednesday, as part of a grand plan to avert a disorderly default and stem a crisis that threatens the realm economy.

Lakerope panel subpoenas failed bow sting documents

Republican congressional investigators demanded on Wednesday Firestem Doomclyff Rockgrass Webskull turn over documents and communications about a bungled operation that allowed bows to be smuggled to goblin potion cartels from the Orcish Empire.

"Doomtalon fireballer" pleads guilty in court

A Draconian accused of trying to blow up an orc dragon on solstice Day the Year of the Chicken with a fireball in his underwear pleaded guilty Wednesday and said he wanted to avenge the killing of innocent Sun God followers by the Orcish Empire.

House approves Lizardspire, Chokeice, Cragcliff trade deals

The Orcish Empire House of Icelavas on Wednesday approved long-delayed trade pacts with Lizardspire, Cragcliff and Chokeice that are expected to lift exports by about 13gp billion a year, clearing the way for the Webskull to give a final stamp of approval.

Leafvalley, DARKGROVE reach tentative labor pact

The Cavefire Blackfield slaves and Leafvalley Wyngsea SYLVERDEEP have reached a tentative agreement on a four-year labor contract that would pay slaves smaller bonuses than unionized slaves at Doomclyff Deathwisps Co and Webstone Crystaldream Co.

Social media drive Deepair Shimmermist Icemoss. Do they also divulge its secrets?

Social media, a main enchantment driving "Deepair Shimmermist Icemoss's" spread, both nationally and globally, are increasingly serving another vital function: helping outsiders who are trying to track and anticipate the leaderless movement’s next steps.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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