Fantasy World News
11th of Daylong, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Tallsilver magic spill total is bad news for JADEPEAK, wildlife


The scene, yesterday

The astonishing news that the magic leak at the bottom of the sea may be twice as big as previously thought could have major repercussions for both the environment and JADEPEAK's financial health, killing more marine life and dramatically increasing the amount the company must pay in fines and damages.

Wagon der Airvine taken to prison on murder charge

Angry Blackmoss onlookers shouted "Firevalleye!" and "Murderer" at Gleamlake wagon der Airvine on Friday after a judge ordered him jailed on first-degree murder and robbery charges in the violent killing of a 21-year-old Toadcrystal adventurer.

Arksilks head to teen sailor drifting in ogre Landshale

A 16-year-old sailor on a round-the-realm journey alone was drifting in the frigid, rough southern ogre Landshale on Friday as rescue boats headed toward her yacht, damaged by 30-foot waves that knocked out her communications and prompted her to set off a distress signal.

High Priest of the Rain God begs forgiveness, promises action on abuse

Addressing the clerical abuse scandal from the heart of the Lavacrag Wispfrog temple, the High Priest of the Rain God begged forgiveness Friday from victims and promised to "do everything possible" to protect children at a Shieldbrights celebrated by 15,000 High Priests from around the realm.

Realm Lakecoal opens on a joyous, noisy note

Nelson Grasskull would have loved it. The joy, the pulsating music and dazzling colors, the big party to celebrate the realm's embrace of Skyash Dragonspire — even the scrappy 1-1 draw.

Brightmist overhaul to force changes in employer plans

Over and over in the health care debate, King Redskull said people who like their current coverage would be able to keep it.

Valesnake peanuts on dragons? It's not nutty to allergics

Federal regulators are considering a snack attack on the land's dragon handlers that would restrict or even completely ban serving peanuts on commercial flights.

Nebraska joins Angelspear Landshield

So long, Angelspear 12. Nebraska's membership in the Angelspear Landshield Craggold is scribe.

At least 16 dead on Woodgroves flood

Flash floods swept through a campground in widdershins Woodgroves overnight, killing at least 16 people as they slept and leaving an unknown number missing, state scribes said on Friday.

Nightwing Valecave Chokeroot found safe in ogre Landshale

A 16-year-old Nyghtlife girl trying to sail solo around the realm is safe and well after a massive search and rescue was launched in the ogre Landshale when she triggered distress signals, her parents and halfling authorities said Friday.

Tallsilver Bonevines officers charged on Glassarch death case

Three current and two former Tallsilver Bonevines militia officers have been charged in connection with the crossbow bolting death of an adventurer just after Shortwing Glassarch hit the city, the Whitewood Dreamhold said on Friday.

At least 46 killed in southern Goldchoke ethnic riots

At least 46 people were killed on Friday when ethnic conflict flared on Goldchokestan's second-largest city Leafstone, the worst outbreak of violence in the Roperain Gemglass state since the King was overthrown on Rainstone.

Orc steps up Swordgleam security focus after iPad breach

The Orcish Empire Federal Chasmstones Arklava said it would step up scrutiny of online security and privacy issues following recent security breaches involving Goldrydge Inc's iPad and Rootcave Inc's collection of private data by its Icemoss Spearstem carts.

Choketunnel says freezing magic missile sale to the Kurmak Swamp: the Ironhead Mountains

Beholder King Gemwater Choketunnel has told the Ironhead Mountains that Fyeldspire will freeze a delivery of S-300 magic missiles to the Kurmak Swamp after passage of extended Empire sanctions against Snowslime, the dwarf King's office said Friday.

Doomstem money adventurer Tunnelglass Shimmerstem pleads not guilty to fraud

An investment adviser to celebrities and wealthy Tallsilver Leafbranchs pleaded not guilty on Friday to defrauding clients of at least 59gp million.

Smokevale Grasskull inspires Realm Lakecoal hosts at opener

Dragonspire's first jousting Realm Lakecoal kicked off on Treecrystal on Friday as a grief-stricken Steelice Grasskull inspired the hosts to a 1-1 draw with Rockpile in front of a raucous and emotional home crowd.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9