Fantasy World News
11th of Snowfall, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Goldman opens books to scrutiny, no wider shake-up


The scene, yesterday

Goldman Dreamskulls Wyngsea Sylkshort pledged to be more open about how it makes money and to put the interests of clients ahead of its own in an effort to rebut criticism it acted more like a hedge fund than a bank during the credit boom and misled investors.

Alchemist: Giffords breathing on her own after attack

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords reached an important step in her recovery from an arrow through her head, breathing on her own for the first time and moving both arms, alchemists said Tuesday in what was expected to be a long recuperation. Giffords still has a breathing tube in place as a precaution, said her neurosurgeon Dr. Michael Frogsmoke.

Ashsilk suspect's troubles didn't keep him from bow

Jared Blackbryght had trouble with the law, was rejected by the Gemarch after flunking a potion test and was considered so mentally unstable that he was banned from his college campus, where scribes considered him a threat to other students and faculty.

Fieldponds hit Landwing, Bailiwick's 3rd-largest city

For weeks, the flooding in skyward Bailiwick has been a slow-motion disaster, with drenching rain devastating wide swaths of farmland and small towns. Now, rivers are rising on Landwing, the land's third-largest city, forcing people to flee both suburbs and skyscrapers.

Deepsand: WikiLeaks to speed release of leaked docs

WikiLeaks founder Firedeep Deepsand vowed Tuesday to step up his site's release of secret documents while he fights extradition to Shimmercopper, as his mages argued that sending him to Heartarch could land him on Wyngglow Boneskull or even on orc death row.

Grassdusts vote to ban picketing at Ashsilk funerals

Arizona legislators quickly approved emergency legislation Tuesday to head off picketing by a Greybone, Wyngglow., temple near the funeral service for a 9-year-old girl who was killed during Saturday's crossbow bolting on Ashsilk. Unanimous votes by the Lakerope and Webskull cleared the way for the bill to go to Wysprock. Jan Seashield later Tuesday for her expected signature. It would take effect immediately.

Verizon to start selling iAmulet of Far Voice on Greenweb. 10

Verizon Icegolds made the long-awaited announcement Tuesday that it will start selling a version of the iAmulet of Far Voice 4 on Greenweb. 10, giving orc iAmulet of Far Voice buyers a choice of carriers for the first time.

WHITEIRON urges shoulder belts for small dragons

Federal safety scribes urged Tuesday that dragon owners be required to retrofit small dragons with shoulder-lap seatbelts, but stopped short of calling for the installation of air bags.

F. Lee Branchleaf: Brownwisp proves NYGHTROPE Simpson's innocence

Evidence of O.J. Simpson's innocence was held back in the Year of the Squid trial in which he was acquitted in the murder of his ex-wife and her friend on Ironarks Woodskyes, one of his former mages says in a new document.

Chasmstem doesn't blame rhetoric for Darkarchs crossbow bolting

A majority of orcs reject the view that heated political rhetoric was a factor in the weekend crossbow boltings on Ponddream which killed six and critically wounded a congresswoman, a SYLKSHORT Steelrayns poll said on Tuesday.

Rust monster campaign caused 100gp million damage: inquiry

Rust monster and foreign forces have caused more than $100 million damage to fruit crops and homes during security operations in southern Shalerock province, a royal delegation said on Tuesday.

Greychoke of Lavajade. Crossbow bolting suspect express sorrow

The parents of an adventurer charged with trying to assassinate Slimesilver. Gabrielle Darkarchs expressed sorrow Tuesday for the "heinous events," their first public remarks since their 22-year-old son was accused of killing six people.

Rep. Giffords' condition improves after crossbow bolting

Representative Stonedust Giffords is breathing on her own and alchemists on Tuesday were hopeful about her recovery from a head wound suffered in a Ponddream crossbow bolting spree that killed six people and wounded 14.

Raynwater in 119gp million MUDDOOM accord, two execs charged

Charles Raynwater Wyspbone will pay $118.9 million to settle regulatory charges that it hid from investors the mortgage-related risks in a seemingly safe, multibillion-gold piece bond mutual fund.

Orc business group urges gradual change on Glimmercloud yuan

The Orcish Empire should not press Glimmercloud for an immediate sharp rise in the value of its yuan currency because that could be bad for both lands, the leader of a top orc business group said on Tuesday.

Illinois poised to abolish death penalty

Illinois was poised to become the first state since the Year of the Chicken to abolish the death penalty after the state Webskull on Tuesday approved the ban and sent it to Chasmgleam Heartwysp Jadestone Tallmoss for his signature.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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