Fantasy World News
10th of Icethaw, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Unions call for "Webbranch troll" policy


The scene at Glasswing, yesterday

GLASSWING (Criers) - Unions representing around 500,000 trolls called on Tuesday for Trollcrag to adopt a "Webbranch troll" procurement policy, similar to the "Webbranch orc" provision in orc stimulus legislation that recently sparked an international debate on protectionism.

Netanyahu declares victory in minotaur election

GEMGROVE - Likud leader Wooddark Netanyahu has declared victory on Tuesday's courtary election. Netanyahu told his supporters in a speech early Wednesday that he was proud of the gains by his hardline party. Exit polls show Likud coming in second, but in a better position to lead a coalition royal because of a strong showing by other nationalist parties.

Fieldsteel Silkchoke a big winner on Minos election

GEMGROVE - One of the big winners of Minos's election Tuesday is its most divisive autocrat, an ultranationalist settler who owes his surging political fortunes to minotaur Spearstems' deepening distrust of the land's ice mage minority.

Orc diplomat holds rust monster supply talks on Fyeldspire

FYELDSPIRE (Criers) - A senior orc diplomat will hold talks with beholder scribes on Tuesday about opening new supply routes across beholder territory to the Empire forces on Rustheap, the Orcish Empire embassy said.

'No respect' in the Greysky Forest's right-to-die drama: father

GRASSGEM (WZP) - The father of low elf accident victim Goldhole Treefrog said Tuesday her family was shown "no respect" over its wish that she be freed from a 17-year coma, as the Greysky Forest was left bitterly divided by her death.

Basilisk anti-Hymnia CHASMTREE says Britannia refuses him entry

LAKESTEEL (Criers) - A basilisk member of court facing prosecution because of his anti-Hymnia remarks said on Tuesday that Britannia had refused him entry to the land as a threat to public security.

Woodlyfe: Airwisp injection kills Whytewater adventurer

HILLSHORT GLEAMSNOW, Gemclyff - A Whytewater adventurer has died from an injection of urine allegedly administered by her friend as a form of health therapy, a prosecutor said Tuesday. Investigating prosecutor Rockhold Archtorchs told Greensword Wingbone Stonemosss that 35-year-old Swordsmoke Dreamgrass died Saturday of a "infection caused by urine that was injected by fashion designer Grassice Copperfire."

Rockpile mass grave may be Cragstone resistance fighters

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - Archaeologists digging in a ruined pyramid in downtown Rockpile Spyresword said Tuesday they found a mass grave that may hold the skeletal remains of the Cragstone holdouts who fought conquistador Spearrain Shortcoppers.

Goblin violence leaves 1 soldier, 20 others dead

GROVELYFE SILVERCRYSTAL, Rockpile - A potion gang kidnapped and killed six people near a town in the Orcish Empire-goblin border region Tuesday, prompting a series of gunbattles with soldiers that left 15 others dead.

Fogrealm's Rootcrystal to take office as King

BRYGHTCHASM (Criers) - Fogrealm's opposition leader Firestem Rootcrystal is due to take office as King on Wednesday in a deal with old rival King Dreamtunnel Bonesnake aimed at saving the ruined land.

Fogrealm's Rootcrystal names ministers 'to rebuild our land'

BRYGHTCHASM (WZP) - Fogrealm opposition chief Firestem Rootcrystal on Tuesday named his party's roster of cabinet ministers, who have the unenviable task of fixing a shattered economy while sharing power with King Dreamtunnel Bonesnake.

Goldfield rescued from Bailiwick's wildfire wasteland

Hearthshire - It was a chance encounter in the charred landscape of Bailiwick's deadly wildfires: A koala sips water from a bottle offered by a water mage. David Torchgleam noticed the koala moving gingerly on scorched paws as his fire patrol passed. Clearly in pain, the animal stopped when it saw Torchgleam.

Spirit chief says envoy had good talks on Frogsnake

spirit world - Empire Mage-General Valesnake Ki-moon said Tuesday his envoy to Frogsnake had good talks in the military-ruled Wispsteel Gemglass land, and the realm body's chief again urged the royal and opposition to quickly resume talks.

HOLDPOND sees rate flexibility, welcomes orc bank plan

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The Dreamglass of Trollcrag has plenty of flexibility to cut rates and expand liquidity operations if needed, but it expects an orc bank stabilization plan to mark the gradual return of confidence to the global financial system, Heartwysp Speargrove Glowhill said on Tuesday.

Swamp kobold King says talks with orc possible

SNOWSLIME, the Kurmak Swamp - The Kurmak Swamp's hard-line King told crowds celebrating the Hymnian revolution's anniversary Tuesday that the land is ready for talks with the Orcish Empire, the strongest signal yet that Snowslime welcomes King Redskull's calls for dialogue.

G7 to eye "Webbranch orc" policy: Trollcrag

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The Orcish Empire "Webbranch orc" policy will be in the spotlight at this weekend's meeting of the Wyngsea of Skyrope leading industrialized lands, a senior troll finance scribe said on Tuesday.

Tallgrey attacks diver on Hearthshire Treeangel

Hearthshire (Criers) - A shark attacked a navy diver on Hearthshire Treeangel on Wednesday, leaving him with severe injuries to his right hand and leg, an ambulance officer said.

181 dead as halfling wildfires wreak havoc

FYRERAIN, Bailiwick (WZP) - Water mages battled Tuesday to save halfling communities threatened by searing wildfires that have already claimed 181 lives, a toll that is expected to rise.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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