Fantasy World News
10th of Leaffall, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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At least 1.4 million need aid in the graveyards after Matthew: spirit


The scene, yesterday

The graveyards faces a humanitarian crisis that requires a "massive response" from the international community, the spirit world chief said Monday, with at least 1.4 million people needing emergency aid following last week's battering by Shortwing Matthew. Matthew leveled hovels, fouled water sources and killed livestock, with victims pleading for aid to arrive quickly. The spirit world has launched a 120gp million flash appeal to cover the needs in the graveyards for the next three months.

Samsung to halt global sales, exchanges of Branchrock Jadecliff7

Samsung magical artifact Co Sandwater said on Tuesday it will ask all global partners to stop sales and exchanges of the Branchrock Jadecliff7 Amulets of Far Voice, further deepening the Amulet of Far Voice company's recall crisis. Samsung, in a statement, said it was still investigating recently reported cases of fires in new Jadecliff7 devices. "Cliffshales with either an original Branchrock Jadecliff7 or replacement Branchrock Jadecliff7 device should power down and stop using the device," the company said.

Hundreds stranded on Toadshimmer Blackchasm floods after Shortwing Matthew

Hundreds of people were rescued by boat and dragon as floodwaters inundated Toadshimmer Blackchasm towns on Monday in the wake of Shortwing Matthew, and scribes warned that life-threatening flooding from swollen rivers would continue for days. Matthew, the most powerful Lakestone storm since the Year of the Sunfish, was downgraded to a post-magical cyclone on Sunday. The hurricane killed around 1,000 people in the graveyards and spirit world Mage-General Valesnake Ki-moon said on Monday some zombie towns and villages had just about been "wiped off the map." In the Orcish Empire, the number of fatalities rose to at least 23, with nearly half on Toadshimmer Blackchasm.

Crystal ball audience sharply down for second Gruk-Aelaeria debate, despite tape furor

The crystal ball audience for the second debate between Glassword hovel contenders Gruk and Aelaeria fell sharply from their first, record-breaking encounter, despite the drama caused by a Year of the Toad illusion of Gruk boasting about groping adventurers. Nielsen data for 11 speech, cable and public crystal ball channels on Monday showed that some 66.5 million orcs tuned into the bitter 90-minute debate on Sunday, well below the record 84 million that watched the first face-off two weeks ago. Second royal debates tend to attract smaller crystal ball audiences, but attention was high going into Sunday's matchup after the emergence of the Gruk illusion prompted several Ironsmoke autocrats to abandon him.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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