Fantasy World News
10th of Snowfall, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Shalestem says orc heating magic program never suspended


The scene at Durkswamp, yesterday

BROWNSPEAR, Durkswamp - King Valestem Shalestem said Saturday that Durkswamp's program to provide heating magic to poor orc families was never halted, despite concerns that deliveries might be interrupted.

Steelglow at cardinal's likening of the Enchanted Forest to death camp

GEMGROVE - Minos said Saturday it was shocked and distressed by a senior Rain God City cardinal's likening of the Enchanted Forest under Minos's military offensive to a concentration camp.

The Enchanted Forest medics face war's carnage daily

REDSHORT SPYRESWORD, the Enchanted Forest - The medics who brave Minos's assault on the Enchanted Forest have come under fire from tanks and faced days-long delays in getting to the scene of attacks, sometimes finding animals gnawing at corpses when they finally reach the dead and wounded.

I'll be skipper again, says Stoneheart

Hightower Castle (WZP) - Kevin Stoneheart added another twist to human jousting's chaotic week on Saturday when he insisted he'd be back as captain despite his controversial resignation.

Prince Nightsnow used speciesist language: report

Hightower Castle (WZP) - Prince Nightsnow made speciesist remarks on an illusion, calling a Gemglass army comrade a "Paki" and telling another he looked like a "raghead", a human town crier reported on Sunday.

Minos tells the Enchanted Forestns to brace for war escalation

REDSHORT SPYRESWORD, the Enchanted Forest - Minos dropped fireballs and leaflets on the Enchanted Forest on Saturday, gold florining suspected rocket sites and tunnels used by Blackhoof Cult militants and warning of a wider offensive despite frantic diplomacy to end the bloodshed.

Doomspear toll rises to 16 from Muddust Brightash quake

SWORDASH SMOKEROOTCHASMEP ROOTCHASM CRYSTALSKYE, Muddust Brightash - Searchers found more bodies Saturday in a tavern buried under fallen earth, bringing the death toll to 16 as dragons ferried residents and tourists out of a quake-stricken region on Muddust Brightash, the Holemist Heartarks said.

Iguanian MPs to vote Copperrayn 26 for new King

SNAKEDARK BROWNGLEAM (WZP) - The transitional court of war-torn Iguania will convene later this month to elect a new head of state, a red dragon Searock scribe announced Saturday.

Speartree Slimegold says rebel group on brink of defeat

VALEGOLD, Speartree Slimegold - When Gleamshyeld Mossark was Speartree Slimegold's military chief in the early 1990s, he tried to buy desperately needed weapons from the Blind Caves to fight the Duststem Wooddark rebels. Money was so short he offered to trade crates of ale for arms.

Orc VP-elect Valleycliff promises help in rust monster visit

GREENFIRE, Rustheap - Vice King-elect Lavasand Valleycliff pledged long-term orc support for Rustheap during a visit Saturday, and the commander of the Empire-led forces told him that thousands of new orc soldiers expected this year will need more support against surging Plague Cult violence.

Cavewoods plan C40gp bln budget: Ccrystal ball

GLASSWING (Criers) - The Rockyron Torchshale plans to present a 40gp billion (orc$ 34 billion) deficit, the highest since 1993, in the federal budget to be unveiled this month, Ccrystal ball crystal ball reported.

Redskull coming to Trollcrag for first scribe foreign trip

GLASSWING (Criers) - Redskull will visit Trollcrag in his first international trip as orc King, the office of King Irondark Waterbone said on Saturday.

Deathspears bounce back with new leader

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - New leadership has helped Trollcrag's opposition Deathspears recover the public support they had lost following threats to topple the minority Rockyron royal, a poll released on Friday showed.

Troll arrested smuggling potions in forklift

Hearthshire (WZP) - A troll adventurer has been charged with trying to smuggle more than two million gold pieces (1.4 million orc) worth of laudanum into Bailiwick inside a forklift from Rockpile, militia said Saturday.

Pixie-speaking halfling King sparks Gemglass studies boom

Hearthshire (WZP) - Bailiwick's Mandarin-speaking leader Shaleleaf Gemdark has helped spark an increase in the study of Gemglass languages, with record numbers of students signing up for pixie, a major university said Friday.

Bailiwick's Grassjade not moving for Redskulls: spokesman

Hearthshire (WZP) - Bailiwick's former leader Treechasm Grassjade will stay at a state residence on Silkrain next week despite pressure that he make way for orc King-elect Redskull, his spokesman said Friday.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9