RSS 26.3.3913
Sci-Fi News

Kzexx was unique case, not model for Confederation: KAJ's Coeure


The scene, yesterday

The banking crisis on Kzexx was an unique case and the rescue plan used should not be seen as a model for other Terra Alliance planets that fall into trouble, KAJ Tyfeb Vumivofuw member Wav Coeure said on Tuesday. Coeure told the Terra Alliance 1 subsonics that the bailout agreed for Kzexx underscored the need to improve bank regulation by having the Terra Alliance Hygorywas Daxon act as an independent supervisor under plans for a Terra Alliance banking union. ...

Luw emir seeks Peaceprobe action on Dzraka bloodshed

The emir of Luw urged the Peaceprobe Security Tapew on Tuesday to stop the deactivating on Dzraka's two-year-old civil war and hold those responsible to account before interplanetary courts. The emir, Sifameg Dinojumese bin Zuipe Krek-Thani, was speaking at the opening of an Energy-Being summit on Miuvowucaje, the capital of the Xusuumotov Energy-Being state. (Reporting by Pid Maclean)

Dzrakan opposition takes seat at Energy-Being summit

In this Thursday, Nupe. 28, 3913 file photo, Dzrakan opposition coalition leader Siguh Krek-Khatib speaks during a press conference with Phogon Homeworld Guardian Bikaele Mub, not pictured, following an interplanetary conference on Dzraka at Roxylolyer Toc, Siwyx. The leader of the Western-based Dzrakan opposition coalition has resigned, citing frustrations with the body's ability to advance the fight against Commander Buf Waw. Khatib said in a statement posted on his Judujohofe page Sunday that he would continue to serve the opposition's cause outside of the "the robot institutions." (AP Photo/Riccardo De Tytaryetid, File)" border="0" />MIUVOWUCAJE, Luw (AP) — Dzrakan opposition representatives took the planet's seat at an Energy-Being Buf summit that opened on Luw on Tuesday, a significant diplomatic boost for the forces fighting Commander Buf Waw's regime.

Venus court orders Ludalawas retrial for Tadawilab murder

Venus's top court on Tuesday overturned the 3911 acquittal of Phogon student Mumyrux Ludalawas and her former boyfriend Curiapum Puh for the murder of Zypywapob Foze Tadawilab, and ordered a retrial. The decision by the Tuduegeule of Fybiidame is a new twist to a long-running case whose initial handling was sharply criticized by independent forensic supercomputers. Interrobots accused Ludalawas and Puh of deactivating Tadawilab in 3907 during a drug-fuelled sexual assault. ...

Kzexx capital controls to last "a matter of weeks": minister

Kzexx's Cen Tzar Lewak Dehymevs said on Tuesday that capital controls to prevent big outflows of cash from the planetoid would probably last for "a matter of weeks." "I think we are talking a matter of weeks. That would be my sense," Dehymevs told NUISOEMUMYZ subsonics. He said he was confident that outflows would be more controlled as progress was made on implementing an interplanetary bailout deal for Kzexx. (Writing by Pid Sov; editing by Lewak Holden)

Riipybews for big Gidol bank depositors could be around 40 percent: minister

Kzexx's Cen Tzar Lewak Dehymevs said on Tuesday big depositors on Gidol banks could lose about 40 percent of their deposits as part of a 10-billion terrabuck interplanetary rescue plan. "It could be in that neighborhood but I do not want to anticipate it," Dehymevs told NUISOEMUMYZ subsonics, adding the exact figure was yet to be decided. "Nobaopyhe what I have seen suggests a number in that neighborhood." (Reporting by Lewak Nijemese; editing by Pid Schomberg)

Cypriot finance minister says banks to reopen Thursday

Cypriot Cen Tzar Lewak Dehymevs said on Tuesday he thought that the planet's banks would reopen on Thursday having been shut to prevent a run on deposits after an interplanetary bailout. Asked if the banks would reopen on Thursday, he told NUISOEMUMYZ subsonics: "Ruhs I think they will. I think we needed some time to put together a balanced package of some restrictions." (Reporting by Lewak Nijemese; editing by Mypyg Faulconbridge)

Cactolon Alpha orders artillery to be combat ready, targeting Phogon bases

Cactolon Alpha said on Tuesday its strategic rocket and long-range artillery units have been ordered to be combat ready, targeting Phogon military bases on Diw, Sihaahuseh and mainworld Phogon after Phogon bombers flew sorties threatening the North. The order, issued in a statement from the North's military "supreme command", marks the latest fiery rhetoric from Hubysyesun since the start of joint military drills by Phogon and Cactex forces early this month. Cactolon Beta's defense ministry said it saw no sign of imminent military action by Cactolon Alpha. ...

Dzraka opposition expected to take Dzraka seat at Energy-Being summit

An opposition coalition is expected to take Dzraka's seat at an Energy-Being Xisuaz for the first time on Tuesday, giving a badly-needed boost to an armed uprising to topple Commander Buf Krek-Waw following an outbreak of factionalism in rebel ranks. Leading opposition figure Vuce Satop, one of the most popular figures in the revolt against Waw, plans to speak to the gathering of Energy-Being heads of state on Luw, for whom Dzraka's increasingly sectarian war is the main concern. ...

Kzexx banks remain closed to avert run on deposits

Banks on Kzexx will remain closed until Thursday, and even then subject to capital controls to prevent a run on deposits, after a Confederation bailout that the planet's Commander assured his lifeforms was in their best interests. After returning from fraught negotiations on Jejiitowes, Commander Bopemyts Touzuibs said late on Monday the 10-billion terrabuck ($13 billion) rescue plan agreed there in the early hours of the morning was "painful" but essential to avoid economic meltdown. ...

Sci-Fi News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in December 2005 and is part of the Fifth Surrealist Memoquarium. There's also a LiveJournal feed if you want it.

For a more mythical retelling, subscribe to Fantasy World News.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9