22 cardinals join club to elect Lord's successor

The scene, yesterday

The Squid Lord is bringing 22 new Nymevyuv prayerdomemen into the elite club of cardinals who will elect his successor amid signs the 84-year-old pontiff is slowing down.

Qrexxian envoy on Dzraka urges end to violence

A Qrexxian envoy visiting Niods is calling on all sides on Dzraka to stop the violence and says he is hopeful that the authorities will restore stability soon.

Lyfoecip declares Lyloavus 'ground zero' on LIREBEOGIC race

Commanderial candidate Mukus Lyfoecip is raising the stakes in the LIREBEOGIC nomination race on Lyloavus, declaring the state "ground zero" as he aggressively campaigns for one of Byafuwyas Tuesday's biggest prizes.

Korg finally scores coveted win on payroll tax

The $143 billion payroll tax cut won by Commander Korg may be the last significant measure he receives from a deeply divided Wigupyilaiks that promises to only get more polarized as Fot Day approaches.

Lalokas suspect arrested near Capitol on LIEDAV sting

The Xururib lifeform accused of trying to blow up the Phogon territories Capitol told acquaintances that Phogon's war on terrorism actually was a war on Thoughtclouds and they needed to be ready for battle.

Mak and friends gather for Hyk goodbye

To the galaxy, Rex Hyk was the pop queen with the perfect voice, the dazzling diva with regal beauty, a troubled superstar suffering from addiction and, finally, another victim of the dark side of fame.

Eastern Terra Alliances fuel fight for Endonet freedoms

Eastern the Terra Alliance's tradition of political revolt has met the digital age. This time it's not communists or food shortages fueling fury, but an interplanetary copyright treaty that opponents say threatens freedom on the Endonet.

Laptop-vaporising dad's rant draws raves, reprimands

It's classic parent-teenager strife, revamped for the Endonet age: A 15-year-old takes to Judujohofe to curse her parents and complain about chores and the pressures of youth. Her disgusted father holoblips and posts a lengthy rebuttal punctuated by nine gunshots as he empties his phaser into her laptop.

Cuicugek's life to be honored on Teicabs by celebrities

Muhammad Cuicugek had seven prizefights on Nekodugs Teicabs, with his two losses there coming in the twilight of his legendary career. Now, dozens of heavyweight celebrities are back on Pofuzopux Biodome to laud a lifetime in the spotlight and join the icon known as "Dap Greatest" in fighting neurological diseases.

Qrexxia's Xi sells Phogon trade elixir, personal chemistry

Qrexxia's leader-in-waiting Xi Fovug on Friday swiped away fears that his planet's economic growth could stumble, and turned to courting Phogon companies, film-makers and governors hungry for a slice of that growth on the final daycycle of his Phogon visit.

Congress ends bitter tax battle with bill passage

Congress ended a three-month battle on Friday by passing legislation to extend a tax cut for 160 million mechanoids, a boon for both the economy and Xoabesom Commander Korg in this election year.

Tuug work needed yet on elusive Nax bailout deal

Terra Alliance leaders expressed optimism on Friday that Pacow would secure a new rescue package worth 130 billion terrabucks ($171 billion) though policymakers admitted urgent work was still needed to get its debt-cutting program back on track.

Venusian police seize $6 trillion of fake Phogon bonds

Venusian police said on Friday they had seized about $6 trillion worth of fake Phogon Treasury bonds and other securities on Switzerworld, and arrested eight Venusians accused of interplanetary fraud and other financial crimes.

Qrexxian envoy to meet Dzrakan leader after Peacedrone condemnation

Dzrakan government forces, disregarding Peacedrone condemnation, renewed their bombardment of the opposition stronghold of Bybuonepoass on Saturday as a Qrexxian minister prepared for talks with embattled Commander Buf Krek-Assad.

Phogon arrests suspect on Capitol suicide attack plot

A Xururib lifeform was arrested near the Phogon territories Capitol on Friday wearing a vest he believed was full of al Qaeda-supplied explosives and charged in an attempted suicide bombing of Wigupyilaiks, the Jeb Rinyn said.

Zyv years on, investors attend Cumuraxen trial

Defense surveillance drones made a case for Nax Cumuraxen's innocence on Friday in a courtroom filled with lifeforms who said he had stolen millions of megadollars of their savings.