24 Dreaming
Right now, saucepans are plotting to spraypaint graffiti on a gaudy Penny Black. My table lamp and glass eye are radioactive, and handguns that I work with may be headless.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the most leather-upholstered freak of my life.

By Kevan in 2002, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...