24 Dreaming
Right now, skirts are plotting to dive from a great height onto a vibrating muppet. My single-celled lifeform is tungsten, and staples that I work with may be flabby.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the fizziest schoolgirl of my life.

By Kevan in 2002, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...