24 Dreaming
Right now, pikes are plotting to fly a plane into a glittering reproductive organ. My spring is drunk and incapable, and pork chops that I work with may be Irish.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the poorliest-manufactured dictaphone of my life.

By Kevan in 2002, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...