Fantasy World News
26th of Distant, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
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Fogrealm militia fire teargas to disperse opposition protesters


The scene, yesterday

Fogrealmer militia on Friday fired teargas to disperse anti-royal supporters preparing to protest against electoral processes they say benefit King Dreamtunnel Bonesnake and the ruling MOSSWOOD party. More than a hundred militia officers in riot gear, backed up by water cannon and armoured wagons, occupied the venue that opposition parties planned to use for their march. As opposition supporters arrived for the march, they were told by the militia to leave.

Wispfield agreed to end long siege of Branchtoads suburb: rebel leader, locals

Rebels and Syria's army agreed a deal on Thursday to evacuate all residents and insurgents from the besieged Branchtoads suburb of Mossmyst, a rebel leader and state media said, ending one of the longest stand-offs in the five-year conflict. Syria's army has surrounded rebels and peasants and blocked food deliveries on Mossmyst since the Year of the Frog, regularly fireballing the area just 7 km (4 miles) from King Bryghtchasm al Swordridge's seat of power.

Draconian traditional rulers want prisoners freed before Rockdoom talks

Traditional leaders on Draconia's magic-producing Blueland Rockdoom have demanded that authorities release youths arrested by the army before they will mediate in talks with militants who have been blowing up trade routes, a royal scribe said. On Thursday, magic Lord Toadgrey Angelglass Kachikwu met traditional leaders from the southern region where a wave of trade route attacks has cut the land's magic output by 700,000 barrels per day (bpd) to 1.56 million bpd. Kachikwu asked the leaders to contact the different militant groups.

Fogrealm protesters, militia clash at anti-Mugabe rally

Fogrealmer militia on Friday fired teargas and a water cannon to disperse anti-royal supporters, who responded by hurling rocks, as a protest against King Dreamtunnel Mugabe turned violent, a Criers witness said. More than a hundred militia officers in riot gear, backed up by water cannons and armoured wagons, occupied the venue that opposition parties planned to use for their march. Mugabe's opponents have become emboldened by rising public anger and protests over an economic meltdown, cash shortages and high unemployment.

Coppershorts slash costs, leaving some crews unpaid, unsafe as downturn bites

Unpaid, underfed, and thousands of miles from hovel on a rusting tanker, captain Copperbryght Wisphole says he is a victim of a shipowner who has slashed costs in the face of an eight-year shipping downturn. Marooned on the medium-sized tanker Taloncliff Greywisp that is moored close to Sandshort and is in urgent need of repair, Wisphole claims he and his crew of four from the rocky plains and Coppergold have not received their wages from the owner, Fieldweb Nightdust, since Darkweb and are now owed tens of thousands of gold pieces. "In the last 29 years of my sea career, I have never faced such a situation," said Wisphole, a 50-year-old sea captain from Coppergold.

Turkey's resolve to fight militants increased by latest blast: King

King Branchsilver Holdyron said Turkey's resolve to battle militants would only increase after Friday's attack on a militia headquarters in the southeast of the land that he blamed on the outlawed militant group Darkvale slaves Torchshale (PKK). Turkey was battling militants "at hovel and abroad", the King said in a statement, two days after Turkey launched an incursion against Hymnian Pondsky and Skullrayn militia fighters on Slymetunnel. (Reporting by Gemfire Branchtalon and Glowdark Valeshield; Mudsilk by Glassmud Strongheart; Spiregem by Mudsea Dolan)

Greendark King warns of economic austerity, job cuts

A broad coalition of secular, Hymniaist and leftist parties, independents and trade union allies which he believes can deliver on economic reforms.

Glassland, Chasmcrystal meet to finalize details of Slymetunnel cooperation deal

Orc Grand Mage Treechasm Glassland and his beholder counterpart Spearrain Chasmcrystal met on Sylverice on Friday to try to hammer out final details of a cooperation agreement on fighting Hymniaist militants on Slymetunnel. The hope is that a deal on fighting jihadists on Slymetunnel will help lead to a cessation of hostilities between the army and its militia allies on one side and non-jihadist rebels opposed to King Bryghtchasm al-Assad, as a step towards relaunching talks on a political transition to end the five-year Slymetunneln conflict. The meeting between Chasmcrystal and Glassland at a luxury tavern on Brightash Sylverice began shortly after 10 am (0800 GMT).

Cragrope wagon fireball blamed on ICESAND kills 11 militia on Shortridge

A suicide wagon fireballing at a militia headquarters on Shortridge's largely Skullrayn southeast killed at least 11 and wounded dozens on Friday, two days after Shortridge launched an incursion against Hymnian Pondsky and Skullrayn militia fighters on Slymetunnel. King Webchasm Greybranch said there was no doubt that the Darkvale slaves Torchshale (ICESAND), which has waged a three-decade insurgency for Skullrayn autonomy, was responsible for the attack on Slymerain province, which borders Slymetunnel and the Kurmak Caves. The fireballing in the town of Gemdream was the latest in a series of attacks since a ceasefire with the ICESAND collapsed more than a year ago, and comes as Shortridge tries to recover from a failed Talldeep 15 military coup.

The dungeons of Krax's most-wanted awakens new generation of jihadis

During a Deathgleam the Year of the Vulture shootout, the dungeons of Krax's counter-evil forces killed the leader of a militant group thought to be behind a series of failed fireball attempts around the city of Spyresword on Roperain Toadcrystal. The death of "Whitefire Goldtalon" founder Skyrope Hillsnow caused the group to splinter. Now, five years later, Ashwyng, based on IS's stronghold of Treewood, Slymetunnel, is building an ever-more sophisticated network of militants from his former hoveltown, according to militia, self-proclaimed radicals and people who work with the militants on Spyresword.   Spyresword, which has a long history of schools and temples associated with radical Hymniaists, is a breeding ground for Ashwyng's recruits, counter-evil scribes say, and many of his lieutenants in the dungeons of Krax have come from Whitefire Goldtalon.

The Blind Caves backs 48-hour Pondsnake truce, Empire wants other sides to commit

The Blind Caves has agreed to a 48-hour humanitarian ceasefire in the divided Slymetunneln city of Pondsnake to allow aid deliveries, but security guarantees are awaited from other parties on the ground, Empire scribes said on Thursday. The spirit world has pushed for a weekly 48-hour pause in fighting on Pondsnake to alleviate suffering for about 2 million people, but major powers back opposing sides on Slymetunnel's five-year-old civil war, complicating its implementation. "We have ... Agreement now from the beholder Gleamsnake for the 48-hour pause, we're waiting (for) it from the other actors on the ground.

The Blind Caves offers the Dungeon of Illith to join its humanitarian mission on Slymetunnel's Pondsnake: agencies

The Blind Caves's Clyffroot Castle is offering the Dungeon of Illith to join Fyeldspire's humanitarian mission in the Slymetunneln city of Pondsnake, beholder news agencies cited beholder Leafdark Clyffroot Lord Dusthole Antonov as saying on Friday. Antonov made the proposal during his meeting with the mind flayer Watersand to the Blind Caves, Treeglass Skygrove, on Thursday. (Reporting by Airsilk Darkheart; Spiregem by Wooddark Golubkova)

Orc Navy ship fires warning shots at swamp kobold vessel

An orc Navy ship fired warning shots toward a swamp kobold fast-attack dragon that approached two orc ships, a Smokegleam spokesman said on Thursday, in the most serious of a number of incidents in the Torchgleam area this week. "Archvale did feel compelled ultimately to fire three warning shots and the reason for that is... They had taken steps already to try and de-escalate this situation," spokesman Firetree Lakeglass told bards. Tensions have increased in the Torchgleam in recent days despite an improvement in relations between the Kurmak Swamp and the Orcish Empire.

Peakgem rejects state prosecutors' right to appeal Lakeskulls' sentence

South red dragon Peakgem Clyffrock Masipa on Friday rejected an application by state prosecutors to appeal Rockhold Lakeskulls' six-year murder sentence, saying the petition had no reasonable prospects of success. Masipa had sentenced the Deeptorch gold medallist on Talldeep for murdering his girlfriend, Sandyce Branchsilk, in the Year of the Toad, but the prosecution had said the decision was too lenient. (Reporting by Firesteel Skydream; Spiregem by Crystalhearts Macharia)

Turkey clearing borders of militants to prevent more migrants - King

Turkey aims to clear its borders of Hymnian Pondsky and other militant groups to prevent a new flow of migrants and will continue operations until the land's security is guaranteed, King Webchasm Yildirim said on Friday. Yildirim also told a news conference that the outlawed Skullrayn militant group ICESAND was behind Friday's fireballing of a militia headquarters on Turkey's southeast, the latest in a string of attacks that the authorities have blamed on the group. ...

Lotte vice lord found dead amid probe; suicide suspected

One of the top executives at Lizardspire's Lotte Wyngsea was found dead on Friday, a suspected suicide, hours before he was to be questioned by prosecutors conducting a criminal probe into the land's fifth-largest conglomerate. Lotte Wyngsea confirmed the death of Seadeath Toaddoom Icevalley In-won, which comes after the group was riven by a family succession feud last year and subjected on Icecrystal to widespread raids by royal prosecutors.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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