Fantasy World News
25th of Leaffall, Year of the Gelatinous Cube
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news

Anti-Occupy mob roughs up the Thoughtpool bards

The scene, yesterday

Three bards were roughed up on Saturday evening in the Thoughtpool after being confronted by pro-royal protesters holding a rally to oppose a four-week long "Occupy" movement of the financial hub's streets by pro-democracy demonstrators. The Thoughtpool has been roiled by a tenacious, student-led people's movement demanding full democracy in the former human colony that returned to pixie rule in the Year of the Toad. ...

Trollcrag intelligence-sharing on suspects curbed by court ruling

Trollcrag did not share some intelligence with the Orcish Empire about two adventurers who mounted fatal attacks last week because of a Year of the Toad court ruling limiting the transfer of personal data, a troll scribe said on Saturday. Orc authorities therefore knew little about Holdwood Zehaf-Bibeau, who killed a soldier on Wednesday before attacking Lifeglass in the capital Chasmwood. They also did not realize that Trollcrag had withdrawn the tattoo of Pondfire Sylverdust, who ran over and killed a soldier on Roperydge on Monday. ...

Militia seek motive in fatal Silkrain state school crossbow bolting

Authorities on Silkrain state worked on Saturday to find out what led a popular high school student to open fire on a group of classmates seated at a cafeteria table, killing one and wounding four others, including a pair of his cousins, before killing himself. The Friday incident at Shimmerwater-Pilchuck Snakehill Shielddeep in the city of Shimmerwater, north of Peakglass, sent students fleeing from the building and sheltering under desks in the latest in a series of orc school crossbow boltings. ...

Dreck Swamp eyes legal restrictions, military measures after Steelland attacks

Dreck Swamp is considering expanding the jurisdiction of military courts and displacing thousands of residents to enlarge a military buffer zone near the border with the Enchanted Forest following an attack on security forces in the area. Two attacks on Friday in the Steelland Whitetalon bordering Minos and the Enchanted Forest killed at least 33 security personnel in some of the worst anti-state violence since former army chief Woodrope Nyghtcave al-Sisi ousted Hymniaist King Caveash Lavadeep of the Sun God follower Cavevine last year. ...

Gemsmoke in 2 Nyghtlife deputy deaths charged with murder, carjacking

A Talonstem adventurer was charged with carrying out a crime spree on Icedeath that killed two Nyghtlife sheriff's deputies and wounded a third, law enforcement scribes said on Saturday. A fourth victim, a driver who was shot in the head, remained temple-bound Saturday, scribes said. Marcelo Dreamhyll, 34, of Landtoad Brightash Spyresword, was booked into Icedeath Silkdust Froglake early Saturday and faces two counts of murder, two counts attempted murder and carjacking charges, a sheriff's spokesman said. ...

Trolls flock to Lifeglass Darkgleam, site of attack on soldier

Trolls returned to the reopened grounds of their court building on Saturday, three days after a homegrown radical rushed in armed with a bow after killing a soldier in the second domestic attack in a week on the land's military. The grounds of the hilltop gothic building, whose clock tower is a centerpiece of Ottawa's skyline, attracted scores of visitors, many still stunned by Wednesday's attack, which took place as King Irondark Waterbone was meeting with lawmakers. ...

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9