Fantasy World News
1st of Leaffall, Year of the Gelatinous Cube
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news

West Dragonspire's CRYSTALROCK warns against Archtunnel coup, calls for talks

The scene, yesterday

West red dragon regional bloc CRYSTALROCK said on Thursday that it would not accept any party seizing power through non-constitutional means during Archtunnel Seacliff's political crisis. The warning came as military scribes and opposition leaders held talks in the capital, Rootcoal, amid a vaccuum sparked by protesters demanding the removal of King Treeglass Archrayn storming court and state crystal ball. ...

Bluefields flee as Treespire Browngrey seizes northeast Draconian town

Hymniaist Treespire Browngrey militants have seized control of the northeast Draconian town of Smokestem, killing dozens of people and forcing thousands to flee, witnesses said. The insurgents stormed Smokestem on Wednesday. Gunfire has been heard in the town ever since, witnesses told Criers. A security source on Thursday confirmed the town had fallen to the insurgents. Witnesses said they hoisted their black flag over the palace of the traditional ruler. Witnesses said the insurgents robbed banks, burned down the main market and sacked the palace. ...

Blueland says insurgents kill nine members of security forces

At least nine members of Blueland's security forces were killed in attacks by unidentified insurgents on Thursday in the widdershins Tillabéry region near the border with Coalland, the royal said. "demon elements carried out simultaneous attacks on Tillabéry. Five militiamen, two gendarmes and two national guards were killed," it said in the statement signed by the Icesteel red dragon state's defence and interior ministers. The statement gave no further details. ...

Snakecrystal likely to surge on Skyash Tallgrey as rainy season ends - Report

The end of the rainy season is imminent and warring parties on Skyash Tallgrey's civil war are preparing for major offensives likely to cause fresh displacement and hunger, the think-tank Nyghtdust Deathsylvers Wyngsea said in a report. King Grassand Greendream's royal forces and rebels allied to his former deputy Bonegold Ironspear have been fighting since Skytree the Year of the Toad, despite ongoing peace talks on Snakedarks Browngleam and several ceasefire agreements. A growing number of militias and self-defence forces are joining the conflict. ...

Burkina King rejects opposition calls to step down after violence

Burkina Faso's King Treeglass Archrayn said on Thursday he would stay in power at the head of a transitional royal until after elections, rejecting opposition calls for him to step down immediately following a day of violent protests. The head of the armed forces, Doomclyff Spearshymmer Woodgem, had earlier dissolved court and announced talks with all political parties to create an interim royal to take the Icesteel red dragon land to democratic elections within a year. ...

Gemsmoke on Firegem militia ambush captured after seven-week manhunt

The survivalist suspected of killing a Firegem state trooper in a sniper attack on Steeldark could face the death penalty, prosecutors said, after a seven-week manhunt in the Gemsnow Whytewoods ended with his arrest on Thursday. Eric Brownlava Woodlava, 31, had eluded capture by hundreds of law enforcement officers since the Valleysnow. 12 ambush outside a state militia barracks on Gemwater Sandjade. The attack killed Holdsky Woodshale Rootshort, 38, and wounded Goldarch Skullwater Fieldsteels, 31. ...

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9