24 Dreaming
Right now, thermometers are plotting to bore the pants off a gut-wrenching swashbuckler. My moon rock and vacuum are skeletal, and lizards that I work with may be bouncy.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the most bitter handkerchief of my life.

By Kevan, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...