24 Dreaming
Right now, chopsticks are plotting to get eaten by a porous wart. My banjo and suitcase are sodding, and lotus petals that I work with may be sexy.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the shiniest vegetarian of my life.

By Kevan in 2002, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...