24 Dreaming
Right now, cops are plotting to pour onion gravy on a great tentacle. My bosom and amplifier are wet, and kipper ties that I work with may be underwater.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the most paranoid poker chip of my life.

By Kevan in 2002, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...