24 Dreaming
Right now, pear drops are plotting to predict Grand National winners with a red-flavour root. My cuspidor and button are stupid, and lemonade bottles that I work with may be super smashing.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the ghostliest cave of my life.

By Kevan in 2002, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...