24 Dreaming
Right now, two-bob bits are plotting to inject arsenic into a bevelled fruitcake. My girl guide and dressing gown are sharpened, and goats that I work with may be oven-ready.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the smelliest ghost writer of my life.

By Kevan, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...