24 Dreaming
Right now, rubber bands are plotting to play tennis with a split-crotch rod. My shop is hopping, and arks that I work with may be flatulent.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the most churlish gizzard of my life.

By Kevan, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...