24 Dreaming
Right now, sprinkler systems are plotting to suck the innards out of a sweaty cough. My marker pen is gagged-and-bound, and mousetraps that I work with may be sneezing.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the most gold-trimmed TIE Fighter of my life.

By Kevan, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...