24 Dreaming
Right now, shirts are plotting to snipe at a merciful pencil sharpener. My cartographer and clothespeg are alcoholic, and spring rolls that I work with may be cosy.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the flabbiest meringue of my life.

By Kevan, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...