24 Dreaming
Right now, pylons are plotting to close a Babylonian oven. My lemon-squeezer and magic wand are erect, and diamonds that I work with may be doomed.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the grimmest necklace of my life.

By Kevan, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...