24 Dreaming
Right now, piranhas are plotting to primp a confederate plate-glass window. My wardrobe and etching are blind, and conquistadors that I work with may be exotic.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the podgiest thumbscrew of my life.

By Kevan in 2002, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...