24 Dreaming
Right now, thighs are plotting to enchant a retractable raven. My toe and toenail are medical, and hampers that I work with may be jewel-encrusted.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and this is the shoddiest pineapple chunk of my life.

By Kevan in 2002, also to blame for the Surrealist Link
For greater coherence, try 24ever
Previously on 24...